Tuck and Roll

We got some news this morning and it's not good. Our entry to our home country has to be postponed for longer than we had hoped.

We knew that visa issues were part of the deal when we obediently moved to Northern Africa five years ago. And we've really had a good amount of troubles in that area.

We had planned and prayed that my boy H would be back on Sunday in time to start nursery at his new school along with the other students. I, too, had hoped for my sake to arrive on time so that I could 'start' along with the other parents. I want to know the other Moms, I want to be in this with them and their little three years olds too.

But our plans aren't His plans.

We're here - it looks like - in Ohio, for a few more weeks. And that's fine. We've got a great setup here. We've got our own apartment. We've got a car to drive. We've got friends to visit. We've got the library to use, pools to swim in and playgrounds to explore.

But really, I just wanted to go home.

So I sit here this morning alone (look it up in the dictionary if you're a Mom like me and often forget the meaning of the word 'alone') in our apartment. Hillsong is playing and I'm praying and I'm writing and I'm crying.

I'm trying to wrap my arms around myself and draw my knees to my chest. I'm trying to tuck so that the rolling won't hurt. Or maybe I'm trying to release from my own efforts and just allow God to gently prepare me for the roll. Once I get all folded and adjusted the rolling will be easier.

This ride is not unfamiliar to me. But it's still not always easy. I've just got to let the idea sink in and get myself all tucked up and ready first.

Learning how to thrive in the 'in-between' is one of the most challenging things we've been faced with in recent years. Do I settle in for a one week? Two weeks? Two months? Longer?

There is no way to know.

But I'm tucking. I surrender.

Jesus, thank you for your grace that tucks me up and paves the unknown path we're rolling. I trust you.