Goodbye Preschool

I headed downstairs early this morning.  I asked my staff to come on one last day during what was supposed to just be holiday break and run school so the kids could say goodbye to the school and the staff.

I went down, unlocked the school, straightened up a bit, planned a simple schedule for the day and headed back upstairs to get the kiddos ready.

But on the way up the stairs I broke down. I wept.

Saying goodbye to the preschool is one of the hardest aspects of this quick exit. The preschool has meant so much to me. I love my staff and they have blessed me so much. I love what the school has done for my children and others’ children. I love what I have seen God do in such a short amount of time. I love that He chose and used me to do it. I have loved almost everything about it and it’s so hard to say goodbye to such an incredible dream I never knew I had that I barely had time to live.

I also cleaned out my desk and office today. Exactly one week ago I sat at this desk all morning and planned out the rest of the year. How quickly things have changed.

Goodbye desk. Goodbye beloved office supplies and files (no, I’m not kidding).

March calendar. I had been working on lesson plans for after the baby arrives.

Goodbye calendar.

Here are all my lesson plans for February and March.

In the trash can.

:(

Here are my Arabic flyers we were going to finally use to advertise to locals now that we had finally finished our proper business registration a month ago. We were finally ready to grow and add lots more local kids.

But now my flyers are in the trash.

:(

But here is a cute happy girlie on the lil’ car and the boys running to open the gate for a friend for the last time.

Helen did the last circle time.

I don’t think I could have handled it at this point.

Last lunch.

And then another circle time, led my my lil’ missy. He he.

And this little sneak had snagged a bag of sprinkles from our ‘sale rooms’ (on the other side of the preschool building), stashed it in the play kitchen and kept eating bits when she thought no one was looking.

That girl!

Not all the kids came today. But each of the students are all so special to me.

I hate taking my kids from these ladies. H and N are well loved by them (and quite spoiled, too, if I’m honest).

My dear assistants.  I have no words.

Goodbye preschool. I’ll miss you so.

A Small Change

Every day in preschool during circle time we do the calendar and we do weather.

A friend gave me this handy dandy calendar to use each day. I love it.  It has places for month, day year, day of the week, season and weather.

The only problem was it had this as one of the weather choices…

Hmmm. Snowing? Never. Ever. Ever.

So I changed it into a weather option that is a lot more common around here…

;)

I am an Employer

Let me repeat it for my own sake: “I am an employer. I am an employer.”

Whaaaaat?

I’ve had quite a few ‘is this happening?’ moments lately. Also ‘am I really doing this?’ and the most common: ‘What in the world do I think I am doing?!’

One moment was last week when I walked another interviewee to the preschool gate after we had a chat. And by chat I mean that I asked a series of questions that I thought would be good to ask a potential teacher’s assistant which were then responded to with one to five words and a stare back in my direction. Oh my. That’s when the thought “What am I doing?!” came up. 

What am I doing conducting interviews? What am I doing conducting interviews for a position in an area that I have absolutely ZERO experience in myself (save the last five weeks)? What am I doing trying to judge how well/not well other ladies could fill the position I am looking for? WHAT AM I DOING?!!!

I suppose the answer is… I’m not doing much… God is doing much more. He, more than anyone, knows that I could not do a stitch of this without Him. These days I am stretched, pulled, challenged, exhausted... but He works on through this weary vessel. I conducted these interviews this week because I could use a bit less on the ‘exhausted’ front. This Mama is wiped out all the time (can you say in my pajamas at 5:30?) and my circumstances aren’t going to change until February… when this baby comes out of the belly and maybe I’ll be MORE tired and stretched and pulled?! Oh my word.

I say it almost everyday and I’ll say it here. It’s a good thing God spoke so clearly about this here preschool. This is hard stuff at the strangest, most challenging time I can imagine. I don’t know what He was thinking, but all I know is that I am confident this is the right thing and it’s His word to me and ONLY HIS WORD TO ME that gives me the strength to push on. Oh Jesus, I’m so glad you lead and guide and speak. What would I do without You?!

End of sidetrack.

Aaaaanyway, as I sit here in my office at the end of a patience-challenging, body-fatiguing day with my stress-relief music playing (that is literally the name of the album) and my kids sleeping at home (their Daddy is with them), sometimes the weight of what I  am doing (God, actually, need I be redundant) can sink in.

I have several goals that I’d like to achieve for this preschool. I won’t list them here, but there are several things I’d like to see happen through this school. And while providing jobs isn’t at the top of this list, it is most definitely ON the list. This is Africa. Africa is hurting and many of it’s people are hurting too. Life is hard. And the economy in this particular country  has made life even more challenging in the past year. My cross-cultural life has it’s challenges, but in terms of seriousness, they pale in comparison with many locals who know nothing else of the rest of the world and have so much less than I.

But now I am an employer. An employer? An employer. I employ four ladies. One in my own home and now three in my school. That’s four families that are given steady work and provision that otherwise may have much less. It’s a number of mouths that may eat less if I didn’t have an envelope to give them at the end of each month along with a smile and a hearty “Thank you SO much for your work.”

I feel strange as an employer. I feel out of my comfort zone and stretched. Yet I feel confident God made me capable, gave me all the right giftings for this job (who knew!?) and that He, through His bless-ed grace, allows my humble offering to bless these four families with honest work.

For this, today, I am thankful. And I wanted to take time to reflect on that bigger picture before I shrink the picture back down and dig into next week’s lesson plans…

Gettin' Creative

One thing I love about running a preschool is that I plan the lessons for each day and so I know that the kiddos get lots of activity/project/craft stuff in every week. None of this usual teacher-paints-a-picture-for-the-student-while-the-student-does-nothing business that is so common in this part of the world.

We’ve done all kinds of things since school started and the kids love it. It’s brewed a whole new sort of creativity in my boy and he comes home and wants to keep creating.

Yesterday after my  nap he surprised me with a small paper heart that he had traced, cut and colored all by himself. He was so proud and I almost cried.

So he was loving it the other day when I had my paper slicer out. He went to town on his own creation. (Don’t worry…the blade is not very sharp and it’d be very difficult for him to get harmed by it).

A masterpiece, eh?! At least you can’t say I did it for him! Ha!

The Busier I Am…

Do you know what I’ve noticed the past few weeks? That the busier I am, the more I accomplish.

Ha! I know this seems glaringly obvious. You’re thinking “Duh, Suzanne”. Go ahead… say it! I know you’re thinking it. I’m thinking it too.

The last few weeks we have finally gotten into a routine. I am out of the house for many hours a week instead of just a few, which is quite a change from most of the past six years in this country.  And I’m putting my hands towards the work of something big… a brand-new preschool. A preschool with real-live kids and real-live staff and a real-life property and daily lessons and too many spiders and and and.  You’d think I’d be too busy and too tired to do much else than deal with all that.

And at the beginning this was true. And now, still true in some ways. I often am too tired to think about leaving the house in the afternoon after a day at school. And some days just drag and I can’t seem to stop yawning. Other days I am in bed at 8m. But still, somehow in the midst of all the busyness…I am more productive than I have been in a long time.

My email inbox is low. My daughter’s baby book photos are finally chosen after months and months of procrastination. I’m blogging again. My to-do list is shorter than it has been in years. And I even have time to do some crafts in the evening. Really?! And I nap often and sleep 8-9 hours a night. How can this be? It seems impossible.

But somehow, routine and productivity has spawned more productivity in my life lately. I think being super active has helped to keep my energy level up. I also think the fact that I have snippets of time in my office on my computer during the day while my assistant teacher is with the kiddos in the classroom (like right now!) has given me enough time to accomplish my daily ‘internet errands’ early in the day so that I don’t need to be on my computer in the evenings… which is amazingly refreshing!

I think also, that I am motivated to work towards all the tasks before me because I am certain that it was God who laid them out for me. I believe I’m walking in His will, even when it seemed a hard turn to take. That fact has given me confidence and energy and perseverance when otherwise, should I have been uncertain of God’s plans, I might not have been able to keep going through the rough patches (more of which are certain to come).

In conclusion (what is this, a science report?) I really just think it’s God’s grace… like it has ALWAYS been in all the interesting turns our lives have taken that has carried us from task to task, challenge to challenge, season to season and resting place to resting place.

My heart is so so thankful. My life is rhythmic. And my inbox is empty. Can I get an Amen?!

Some Things Learned

When we were spending the crazy month of August setting up the preschool, we were also doing some repairs and work in our own house. It was probably too much at one time (okay… it was definitely too much at one time)… but what can you do?!

Here are a few things I learned that month:

1. There is no brown spray paint to be found in the city. Not a single can. Believe me!

2. Washing machine repairmen freely pick up two year old girls and kiss them repeatedly on the lips. And the little girl eats it up. Oh my!

3. ‘Getting something fixed’ (in this case, the electricity in our home) is actually just an invitation for one scary electrical problem after another. And once it is actually ‘fixed’, approximately a half dozen things that used to work in your house now do NOT work. Ugh.

4. Shopkeepers rarely mark prices (I already knew this) and shopkeepers rarely have a ‘checkout counter’ that has more than four square inches on which to place desired purchases down for calculation (I already also knew this). But what I learned is that there is at least ONE store in the city where everything is marked AND there is a large, clean, white counter where I could have placed a good twenty items for purchase.  That shop makes me smile!! I plan to return.

5. It takes 7 men to cut down a bougainvillea vine out of electric lines. Then it takes one man to reattach the cut electrical line with his bare hands while yelling “Did he turn it back on yet?!” Oh my goodness. (No one was harmed in this incident, thank God).

6. It took a full month to get a washing machine properly repaired (broken because of item #3).  In the meantime, we learned how long we can actually survive in a hot dirty country without a washing machine.

7. The locals have a love for lacquer like you have never seen. And now the ‘refinished’ (term used very loosely) table in my office looks like it forever has a big puddle of water on it, even though it’s bone dry.

8. With so many workers around, I suddenly became “madam” for whatever reason. And I learned that I secretly (um, not anymore?!) like this.

9. It takes one man a full week to locate and purchase two child sized table and chairs.  And he will look, literally, in EVERY corner of the city before he succeeds.

10. We learned that we can persevere and survive one of the craziest and stretching months of our lives! But not without God’s grace!

Day One!

Well, we did it. Day one of preschool. And it was a success! I am so pleased with how the day went, I didn’t take a ton of pics, but here are a few…

The official ‘First Day of School’ pic. They two are just precious. For them, all this hard work is worth it!

The kids and their teacher! Ha! And no, they didn’t call me “Miss Suzanne”. They called me “Mom” thank goodness!

I kid you not, school hadn’t been officially started for even 10 minutes when I had to pull out the first aid kid for a bleeding cut on my boy’s knee. He couldn’t tell me how he got it, though, which I thought was funny. Must have been having too much fun, right?

We did a couple of table activities during the day. Glued apple seeds on the letter A after we discovered them inside the apple and later did a “All About Me” worksheet and collage. The kids LOVED being creative with different materials and glue and that was the activity that kept their attention for the longest amount of time. Note to self: Must buy more glitter glue. :) Big hit that stuff, and no glittery mess, so I’m a fan.

That is my assistant teacher, she’s amazing!

After circle time my friend came to teach sports for half an hour. I am so thankful and the kids had fun! They did stretching, balancing, bean bag games and Follow the Leader. They especially loved Follow the Leader and couldn’t wait to play again after lunch.

Snack time on the mat outside. Today I had three students; tomorrow I have four. I don’t despise a small (and all white-skinned) beginning. In fact, I’m thankful. It gives this clueless girl time to learn slowly before more kids and diversity (hopefully!) start rolling in.

Ooh, this pic gives you a peek of the garden… isn’t it gorgeous? Grass is planted… waiting for the tufts to spread.

There was a little dress up involved. Have you ever seen such a thing?! Maybe I should use this photo in my advertising? Ha!

Later after more activities, playing and closing circle (I really like circle time!) it was lunch outside. Cuties.

Then came a little unplanned and unforced rest time with books at the end of the day. Now that was nice.

It really was such a smooth first day. I will change a few small things tomorrow, but overall it went much better than I could have expected.

All Glory to Jesus Name! Because of Him I do this. It’s Him I praise.

Opening Day Tomorrow!

Tomorrow is the big day! The day we’ve been planning and preparing for for ages! Well, it feels like ages. But it’s actually only a month. And frankly only one month of planning and preparation sounds much scarier to me than having ages of time… but no worries… we pulled it off. We did it!! I am ready.

Most of the effort went into the classroom and the garden. Today I’ll give you a lil’ tour of the classroom. I am rather pleased to announce the almost everything you see was purchased in this country! Since I didn’t know until this summer that I was going to start a preschool, I obviously didn’t have a chance to bring things with us in our luggage (as if there was any space anyway!). A couple friends carried a few small items over and some things were donated, but most everything you see is from here. Which was a challenge, but I think it’s great and it takes the pressure off to import things in the future. I love that I am forced to ‘make it work’ with what is available locally.

This is the largest side of the room. All the playing stations are on this side. Don’t you love all the windows?

And bunting. It wouldn’t be my preschool if it didn’t have bunting, right? Ha! I’m so predictable…

This is the book and music corner.

Cozy, eh? My lil’ bookworm kids were pretty excited about this.

And here is the wee kitchen and dress up area.

The kitchen is actually a locally made tea lady set. (Ladies sit in the street with their little stands and their charcoal fires and sell tea). This one had ‘kid kitchen’ written all over it so I snatched it up. I mean to paint some stove burners on there and maybe ‘install’ a metal bowl for a sink. Someday soon. Someday.

Also, might I mention that locally purchased is not always great. The little dishes were purchased locally. They were made in China, no doubt, and they have stickers of Barbie all over them. Gag me! And two of them already broke! Woops! But you take what you can get when you open a school in a month in Africa, right? Right.

Doctor? Vet? Cowboy? Princess? Anyone have career dreams? We’ve got your gear. (This was not found locally or sewn locally, for the record). An American friend who imported them passed them down to me! :)

Toys…

…toys and more toys!

Here is our happy circle time rug. I did a lot of laminating of kids songs and teaching tools for Circle Time and that makes me feel happy inside.

One of my best ideas, ifIdosaysomyself, is this thin tack-strip that I (and a friend!) cut and installed along the entire perimeter of the room. I can hang posters, labels, signs, etc with just a thumbtack and not mess with the cement walls (which are a NIGHTMARE!) every time I want something hung up on the wall at preschooler-height. And it gives me tons of flexibility in the room, too, which is great. I am loving it already. Big time.

And when it’s not circle time the space can be used for building with blocks.

And this is the other section of the classroom. This side is more for crafts and activities. Finding those kid table and chairs in this city was about a week’s worth of work alone. The kids better appreciate them! Ha!

Well, that’s it. What do you think? I am more than pleased with it and it feels so cheery and bright. I think it’s a space I can easily spend a lot of time in, which is good… since I’m not only director of the preschool, but the teacher too… at least for now! Lord help me… I have no idea what I’m doing.

Here goes nothin’!

My Unrecognizable Life

My life is unrecognizable. For a thousand different reasons. Exhibit A being the fact that I literally just sat here for an an entire minute just trying to conjure up the word ‘exhibit’ in my muddy head. All I could think of was… wait… now I forget the only word beginning with ‘e’ that filled my head for that entire minute that I couldn’t come up with the word ‘exhibit’.

Bah.

Do you see what I mean?

Exhibit B being the fact that I used to blog daily and now it feels like it’s one a month? What in the world?

Exhibit C. My house is entirely unorganized.

Exhibit D. My family gets fed the most questionable meals in the history of my care. If they get fed at all.

Exhibit E. I sleep.  A lot. Often 10 hours at night plus a two hour nap in the afternoon. And a few days ago I slept for nearly 36 hours straight, only waking to try to eat… and then puke. Repeat. I don’t think I’ve ever slept that much continually IN MY LIFE.

Exhibit F. I have been taking approximately NO photos of my cute kiddos in the past couple months. I used to take them daily.

Exhibit G. I have been a terrible friend. I am behind on emails. I am behind on cards. And I have told half a dozen friends living around the world that I will call them soon so we can catch up. But I can’t seem to do it. But I really want to! But I just can’ t seem to do it.

Exhibit H. I don’t even have a running to-do list that I follow. In a time like this you’d think I’d have lists tattooed to my limbs to complete my tasks in an orderly fashion. But I don’t. More like I do what has to be done the very moment it must be completed. Maybe. This concept is foreign to me. Seriously.

Who am I becoming?!

Okay. Exhibits A though H do have explanations. Good ones. Let’s switch to numbers now.

1. I am pregnant. And still very sick at 13.5 weeks. Blech.

2. It is (still) summer. Hot and so stinking humid right now.

3. I am starting a preschool. This was made a final decision on July 31st. That was 23 days ago. Now it is August 22nd and we open in 11 days. Yes folks. Who knew one could open a preschool in just one month IN AFRICA? DURING RAMADAN? AND EID?!! (Not to mention points 1 and 2) Oh my word. What was I thinking?

4. I am pregnant. Did I already mention that? Silly me.

5. I have two mini ‘helpers’ for which there is no play-school this past month. Hence… lots of ‘helping’ with whatever I am doing so as to make my job much easier. (Read… things take twice as long and are three times as frustrating). But I love my kids. And I’ll love your kids too. Send them to my preschool, okay? I’m a great person, very patient and great with kids. I promise.

What I’m saying here folks is that I’m not myself these days. I wish I had the time to blog through all my daily adventures with pregnancy and preschool-preparing and the cute antics of those lil’ helpers I was telling you about. There is so much to say these days but frankly there is just not much time to say it. I don’t like it, but it’s true.

I have dreams of sitting in my office at the preschool, the kids and teachers in the next room happily reading a story or learning to draw letters while I take a few moments to sit at my desk, sip a hot drink and write about this and that and generally get my life in order. There is NO puke bucket sitting next to me in this dream. And I am NOT sweating. And I feel like me. Emphasis on I feel like me.

One day. One day I will be myself again. Don’t give up on me, okay?

Some Dreams Do Come True

Today I purchased a laminating machine.

Some dreams do come true.

Stepping Up

At the beginning of the summer I think I was having an early-life crisis (I’m not yet mid-life, right?) For six years we’ve called this African country our home. We’ve gone from a young couple married for only two years venturing out into the unknown together to now being a family of four living in this unusual place but feeling somehow normal about that (at least most of the time).

Our first year I was content to focus on learning Arabic (which went just okay, lets be honest) and doing other important things like learning to crazy-drive (gotta drive like the locals!), cook more than a boiled potato for a meal and walk more than 100 meters outside without collapsing from heat exhaustion. Worthy endeavors, I believe. After a year of language study, etc we brought our newborn son back to this land and I spent awhile learning to be his Mama and getting on with daily life, which is a full time job here, even if you HAVE no job. Then two years later we added a daughter and her first year spent in Africa was my best year ever. I felt called to focus on my family and my home and I thrived in my roles as a wife, mother and a friend to many outside my house. I volunteered a bit and stayed plugged into many things… just the amount that I felt was right for me at the time and God blessed it. He blessed me.

Then we were unexpectedly gone for a year. And we returned in April. And we’ve weathered a challenging summer and that bring us to the present.

I have learned SO much in the past six years. I am a different woman. But this summer I found myself hungry to know more. To learn more. To stretch more!

I felt a little antsy about my life at home. My heart is in my home and I love caring for my family so much. But along with that I feel like God has made me capable of much and that He’s made me a leader. My children aren’t babies anymore (although I may call them my babies forever…) and I felt God gently urging me forward to step into something new. Something bigger. Something seemingly risky, outside my comfort zone, challenging and hard.

Part of me loves a challenge. I want to grow in my walk with Jesus. I want to grow more into the gifts and talents He has given me. I know in my heart that growth comes from being challenged. Growth comes when you step out. Good things often come through blood, sweat and tears. Growth does NOT come from doing nothing hard. Duh. Do I want to be one who shrinks back from something just because it is scary and hard? Because I feel inadequate? Because it seems like a mountain in front of me that I’ll have to climb and I’m not certain if anyone will climb it with me? Because it’s just plain easier to say “No” than it is to say “Yes” and the easy way looks oh-so-good?

No. I don’t suppose God really made me a shrink-back take-the-easy-way kinda gal.

So this new idea came my way. It’s come my way before and has fallen off my shoulder before I even had time to reach up and brush it off. But this time I could NOT get the idea out of my head. Hard as I tried. But I was scared. I wanted to know from God that it was His idea and not mine. That it’s His will. That He thinks me capable. That He created me for this. I want something I can stand on when times are tough. I had a very clear and personal word from God like that when we decided to move to this country in the first place and I’ve picked up my tired, discouraged, uncertain, lonely, hot and sweaty self and stood (or maybe just laid in the fetal position, which I think is good enough) on that clear word many times in the past six years. It has helped me in my weakness. God’s word to me has gotten me through the toughest times.

I wanted a similar word for this venture. To me, it was almost as big of a decision as it was when we decided to build our lives here in the first place. Maybe even bigger, because now I’m not just risking myself, but I’ve got two wee ones who can be dramatically affected by their Mama’s attention and disposition. The hours in my day are much more precious to me now that they used to be because I am loving and teaching and training my sweet treasures that God has entrusted to me.  They are growing quickly. I get one shot at this Mama thing and I can’t mess it up. They need me. What happens when I start something new? Is there less of me for them? I can’t stand the thought of that.

So in the midst of all these swirling thoughts and questions and fears my heart was continually asking (begging?) God to make this clear. And fast. I’m a planner and if I was supposed to do this then I’ve got to get goin’!!

And so after only one  maddening day of wrestling with this idea and million-mile-an-hour thoughts and struggling with the question of this being right or not the kids went to bed and I sat down with my devotional. God already knew that I couldn’t handle another maddening day of questions butI told Him so anyway. I needed answers. And then I read…

“You and I will never move to the next level with God if we’re scared half to death of what awaits us. On this mysterious pilgrimage we will find that when we do meet difficulties and sorrows, they were not meant to stop us but to form the character required for our great harvest in the coming season. Step into your future. Precious One. Something wonderful awaits you.”             -Beth Moore, from ‘Stepping Up’

The next level? That is what I want I had been wanting deep in my heart.

Scared half to death? Those are the perfect words to describe how I was feeling.

Difficulties and sorrows? Those are most certainly in my future if this dream becomes a reality… but it doesn’t have to stop God from molding my character. It’s doesn’t have to stop the harvest inside and outside of me.

Step into your future. Whoa. Could He be more clear?! Was this paragraph written just for me? For just this time?

Something wonderful awaits you. Oh my, I do hope so. I do hope so!!

Wow! Did I hear God speaking that very evening?!  Oh I heard Him loud and clea.! Praise Him!! I immediately felt like I said “Yes” in my heart. How could I ever say “No” after reading that and having all my fears and hopes addressed and then dealt with immediately after asking for an answer?! And incidentally, if I had said “No” or “I’m not sure” that evening,  God brought a half dozen more glaringly obvious “Yeses” across my path during the next week. Like a message from Nancy Leigh DeMoss titled “He’s With You in the Battle” on Revive our Hearts where she said:

“I’ve been reminded that it’s the fear of trouble, the love of ease, and an inordinate affection for my worldly business that will keep me out of the battle.”

Ouch. Do I want to stay out of the battle for those reasons? The ‘love of ease’ sounds so terrible when you put it like that. Oh please no. Don’t let that be me.

I’m glad I said “Yes” right away and didn’t have to sheepishly say it a week later after it was even less deniable and God had to pound it into my thick skull. Ha!

Anyway… all this to say that.  I’m going for it. I am going to start a preschool!!! It’s really happening.

God is with me. And really… it’s God’s preschool and I’d have it no other way. May He give me the wisdom and grace and love to walk out His will and make Him proud. I think a good stretch will be good for me. It always hurts. A lot. But in the end I’ll be so thankful. Always have been in the past…