Realization

Last night we were having a lovely meal with dear friends.

One of the conversation topics was schooling. We were talking about different schooling options and particularly what Mike and I recently read in this book.

Mike bought this Malcolm Gladwell gem for me recently and I happened to read most of it out loud to him while we were on a family road trip a couple weeks ago. It was a fascinating book. It’s only a little bit about David and Goliath and a lot about being an underdog, or being misunderstood, or being in the right place at the right time. Oh man… I can’t summarize it… it was just good and I recommend it!

Anyway… at one point he talks about being a young person choosing a university. The basic idea is this: a young person can choose to be a ‘big fish in a small pond’ or a ‘small fish in a big pond’.

For example. Valedictorian at generic High School has his heart set on Yale. He makes it in by a scrape to pursue his passion for law. He’s thrilled to be able to continue learning amongst some of the best students in the country and the best professors out there. Maybe he wants to be an international lawyer and work with the UN to fight against human trafficking. Wow, amazing!

But he finds himself at the bottom of the pack in his classes. He can’t keep up and he becomes so discouraged, thinking that he must not be as gifted and as passionate about law as he thought he was. He was wrong about himself.  He must have missed it. He’s no good. After one year of hard work and struggling to keep up, he decides to change majors. He’s given up his dream.

Poor guy.

IT COULD HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT! There is a good chance that if young man had chosen a run-of-the-mill college… he would have been the ‘big fish in the small pond.’ He would have been at the top of his classes, he might have had the first pick of internship opportunities, he would have had great encouragement from his professors and his dreams could have become reality.

He just chose the wrong school. The wrong pond.

It’s sobering.

So, I read this to Mike and talked about it and found it very interesting and the driving continued and life went on.

Then.

Last night as I am recounting this interesting story and thoughts to our friends, and as words are coming out of my mouth I realized that THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME.

I could hardly believe it.

You see.

From the time I was a small girl, I have had a passion for art, creativity, design and decoration. Creating spaces. Making things beautiful. I fostered these interests and gifts and talents with the help of my parents. They saw this in me also and provided me with opportunities to grow my skills and interests. Thank you parents!

When it came time to choose a college degree to pursue… it wasn’t very hard for me. Interior Design had my name all over it.

So we took a trip and toured a few colleges and saw some design studios in a neighboring state and then on the drive home we decided to visit one more, since it was on the way. And it had the #1 Interior Design program in the country. Gotta check it out!

So we did and it was great and it was the past the deadline, but I applied anyway and eventually I was accepted.

Wow, amazing!

Off I went with the other freshman art/designy types to our studio. I enjoyed my classes a lot. Most of the year was spent on foundational toolboxy type of things. Building webpages, learning Photoshop, sketching skills, etc. Mostly we did projects that helped us learn various skills and tools that a designer needs, and only a little time spent on actual designing.

I enjoyed it all, and I dare say I was doing well among my peers.

The problem was that my professors were teaching at the #1 program in the country. So they must be the #1 professors! Aaaaand they basically worshipped design. There wasn’t a lot of balancing displayed in my major by the professors or my peers. We were the best in the land, people! It was all or nothing. Most of my classmates regularly pulled all-nighters because their projects were just not quite good enough, or another element could be added. (Or they procrastinated terribly). We worked so hard all the time on projects and had very little time for life outside the studio.

This bothered me.

Once I had dreams of a big career. But at this time God was softening my heart towards other ideas for life too.

One time I looked back on emails from my freshman year and many of them went like this: “Sorry I can’t make it, we have another Adobe Illustrator project due after the weekend.” or “Sorry I never showed up. I meant to, but my sketches took so much longer than I thought.”

It was depressing.

I found myself in a tricky place because I’m a balanced gal and I wanted to have time to do other things that college life had to offer. For me, that mostly meant be involved in a campus ministry group.

So after two quarters of having no life and being taught by professors that lived, breathed and worshipped design and working with peers that seemed to jump on that bandwagon without a problem, I decided that this career path was too much for me. I loved what I was doing, but all I could see was that life in design was all-encompassing. Foundationally, I didn’t agree with that. I wanted more for life than JUST design.

I persevered through the last quarter and finished the year out strong. Then I changed majors.

I enjoyed the sociology classes that I dug into after that and I REALLY enjoyed doing life with the campus ministry community that became my family. I grew and learned so very much during those years. The degree was almost a side-line to me growing into myself and learning to be an adult. I think it’s good to think of college years in that way. Those years certainly served more than the sole purpose of walking away with a diploma and I think I embraced all of it well.

BUT

If I had chosen, say, the 20th best Interior Design program in the country, that offered less ‘elite’ professors… would I have continued to pursue my passion for design AND still have been able to enjoy all the other joys that college-life has to offer?

Yes. I believe I could have.

I chose a school that made me a ‘small fish in a big pond’. If I had chosen a smaller pond, I think it would have all been different.

Wow. I have tears writing this. This is quite a realization for me. I think I feel this so deeply now because as I’ve grown more into myself in adulthood, I can see that design and art and creating and interiors is TRULY a passion and talent that God gave me. It’s a big part of who I am and is one of my main (non-human)  loves in life. If you know me, you know it to be true!

And so, I wonder what could have been. We all have things in life like this, don’t we?

I truly believe in the sovereignty of God and can’t imagine life if I had gone to a different university. Imagine the people I never would have met! The things I might not have learned! We can never see God’s full plans. I am sure thankful for the paths God has had me walk from childhood all the way until now. He’s guided me and He is good and I am thankful.

Still, it’s a sobering realization for me and it’ll definitely affect how we advise our children when it comes time for them to make similar decisions.

Choose the small pond people, the small one!

(DAAP: Design, Art, Architecture and Planning Building on the University of Cincinnati Campus, where I spent my freshman year.)

Beauty All Around

5 days. My heart is full.

Traveling Alone

Airports alone are such a breeze. My hubs gets to do this once a month? No wonder he finds traveling with the whole fam a bit stressful... 🙈

Packing

Travel prep for me, JUST ME. Whaaaaa?!?? So excited.

Gifts from Turkey

My man was right on with this gift he brought me from Turkey. He sure knows what I like!

Quiet Moment in the Sun

I'm gonna ignore the toys all over the floor, the clean diapers that need to be stuffed, the disaster that is the desk, the project table covered in junk... and sit myself down in that chair in the sun with my book and a cup of tea for 30 mins while my two littles are sleeping, bread is is rising, and my two bigs haven't come home from school yet. Can I get a 30 min amen?!??

Perfect

A perfect fit. 😍

All the Photos…

So, I’ve been frustrated lately with how little time I have to post to my blog. It just doesn’t fit in much these days, no matter how much I’d like it to. And that’s okay. It’s the season I’m in.

But I did want to keep documenting my every-days with kids on the blog somehow. Facebook and Instagram are great for sharing, but my blog is where I want to collect and keep the majority of our family’s story.

I did a little research and learned about a thing called an applet. Then I created my own applet that automatically puts my Instagram posts on my blog. This fits the bill for me for now. And I felt very accomplished! Bonus!

I still want to write and do other more interesting posts. And that’ll happen occasionally. But for now I’m happy that at least there won’t be huge gaps of our lives missing from the blog in the meantime.

Thanks for understanding, and sorry to those who see these photos on Instagram and maybe on Facebook and then on the blog too! That’s overkill and I’m sorry about that.

Okay! Off to make sure my baby didn’t pull the Christmas tree on top of himself!

Love yas.

From the Club Lounge

Today I embarked on a solo trip.

I know. Amazing!

I’m on the way to visit my sister in Charlotte for five whole days.

A special shout out goes to my frequently flying husband who racks up miles and scored me this free ticket.  Another shout out goes to United, because they like to send us lil’ perks… like passes to the United Club Lounge!! Especially appreciated today, since my flight is delayed… booooooo.

So I’m writing today from this United Club, which is a rather interesting place.

One of my first discoveries is that thirty-something wearing leggings, a cardi and carrying a floral purse seem to be a minority here? A rare occurrence? An endangered species? Okay, okay, I’m the only one. Seems I should have worn my suit and brought my briefcase and have saved all my important business-sounding conversation on the phone for these few hours. Then I might fit in more. Also I should use phrases like “please make them aware of my concerns”, “we’re splitting the trips”, “in the books” and ask the question “Do you still have that article I was quoted in?” Also, words like “testify”, “assessors” and “renewals” and “TJ12” (?!). Also, I’ll need to legitimately be interested in the Wall Street Journal/Darn. Well, maybe next time.

Meanwhile there were a couple of men sitting nearby and one of them had tennis shoes on. So that made me feel better. And then before he left he brought three cups jammed full with complimentary cheese and crackers around the corner and jammed them into his backpack. Then he departed.

While I don’t agree with his behavior, I was comforted by his casualty. Even if he was talking businessey ON SPEAKER PHONE a few moments before. Oh well.

I have helped myself to some complimentary snacks myself. Three packets of baby carrots with one tiny container of ranch dressing. Two cups of decaf coffee with flavored creamer. One small cup of cheesy chex mix and a few yogurt covered raisins. A few sips of wine. Oh, and a single-wrapped lifesaver that was sitting in a candy dish at the welcome counter. I couldn’t help myself. I haven’t ventured to the cheese and crackers yet… the jury is still out on whether or not that should count as dinner.

Ack! And on that note, I should get to the gate. No cheese and crackers for my dinner! I should pay more attention to the clock…

In Memory of Dear Miss Sheila

June 30, 1950-December 13, 2014

(taken fall, 2013)

Without our oldest little neighbor

Our hall isn’t quite the same these days.

In my mind she’s sitting in the armchair watching a noisy group of kids

Or standing at the plants with a little friend, taking help and giving praise.

 

She was part of our daily life

Coming by to hand out candy to my boy and my girl.

Serving, sharing and sometimes complaining in her well-known Sheila way

And knocking everyday just to say ‘hi’ to my littlest one with a head full of curl.

 

She’d come with an invitation for a walk down to Kairos with N

And for no reason, she came with me to H’s swim lesson at the Y

She’d brush or braid my girls’ hair if she had the chance

Or all dressed up, she’d need help with a clasp on her jewelry, so she’d come by.

 

No one else could get our kids to sit in chairs and converse like adults,

Baggies of potato chips and cups of tea were such treats for them.

N would go down for a visit and come skipping home awhile later

Feeling so grown-up and so loved, like a special little gem.

 

In her home of hospitality, she’d carefully prepare meals… food being of great importance.

Specific about tastes and flavors and spices, she gave it all her own delicious flair.

Just a couple months ago she told me of the days she tried to be a nun,

And that she couldn’t do it, in the end, because of the boring menu there!

 

So often there was a knock with a delicious offering of curry

How I miss that she loved us in that way.

Once though, after I delivered A, she brought me over a for-real Ox-tail

And I’m so sorry Sheila, but I didn’t know what to do with that cuisine on that day.

 

It wasn’t just in this season that she’s been dear to us, you know,

She and Mike had been neighbors way back at Star Ranch and had a special friendship, I would say.

And so when we were dating, Mike took Sheila to the mall to decide which engagement ring to get me.

I said yes, flew out, got to meet her, and a special friendship it would stay.

 

Two years later we moved to Africa and it was just emails that came and went.

She’d write to say that she was always be praying for us and our kids as we’d come and go.

Email letters, as you may know, with extra capitals, bold fonts and pretty colors would be sent.

She’d just write to send her love, and it would bless me that she’d take the time to tell us so.

 

A vibrant occupant of our hallway has different neighbors for now,

Good news for them, sad news for you and me.

Sometimes I feel so angry that she was too stubborn to take care of herself,

So very eager to move on from here and the next life to see.

 

I think of Katie and I’s miscarried babies, siblings of some of her little favorites…

Imagining they’re children now, and into her home they have happily been drawn.

She’s taught them what a durkimaan is and has made them French fries in her toaster oven,

And it’s allowed her joy from our little hallway kids, to somehow carry on.

 

We were her home, we are her family.

For now, she’s gone, a new life for her is just at the start.

Sheila Pillay, we love you so very much,

And you’ll remain forever in my heart

I Voted

Today was election day. I dropped off our mail-in ballots several days ago. It took a fair amount of work to educate myself on the candidates, judges, issues, etc.

But it was so worth it.

I’m thankful.

So thankful for the privilege of voting in my country.

11 Things

1. I’m up to my ears in schedules these days. It’s a busy quarter around here!

2. I kind of like schedules. But this might have been overkill.

3. It’s official. The baby thinks my name is “Dada”.

4. My children do not know what “Khallas kwais” means. (Very basic Arabic phrase). This saddens me.

5. Four of us got the awwwwful norovirus over the weekend. It was brutal. And it made me behind on writing all those schedules!

6. Since the sickness, I can’t seem to get warm. Currently I’m inside wearing slippers, gloves and a winter hat. I think it’s 60 degrees outside.

7. I think things should calm down in a week or so.

8. I could use a nanny at times like this however.

9. Any applicants?

10. The baby is also in one of those stages where she waits until I change her diaper to poop. It’s not very polite, frankly.

11. Still accepting applications.

Dear Feed Subscribers

Hey Subscribers out there! Thanks for subscribing! Just wanted to let you know that I’m trying to do some catch up on this here blog, which means I am post-dating (or is it pre-dating?!?) some posts that I missed along the way. Like the one of my baby girlie sitting up… it may have showed up as a new one in your feed, but it was actually in September and that’s where it is on the blog now.

Anyway, just to explain! And please excuse the possible onslaught… the holidays were busy and I’m so behind. Trying to get caught up!

:)

Cross That Off the Christmas List

You can imagine my happiness when digging through the glove basket as I discovered a pair of those special gloves that allow you to use your smartphone while still keeping the rest of your fingers warm!

Great! I guess I can cross that one off my Christmas list!

;)

Cannabis?

So the other night I hosted a lil’ Christmas party and wanted to make a big batch of from-scratch hot chocolate. Naturally, I went to consult Google about a recipe. I wasn’t sure what to search, so I just searched “Hot Cocoa recipe saucepan” thinking that by adding ‘saucepan’ it would bring up recipes that used a pan to make it and therefore being recipes for big batches as opposed to a small batch in a mug.

Do you follow my logic? Perfect sense, right'? Or at least mostly?

Well it did work and I found a simple recipe to make a gallon of hot cocoa from scratch in a pan on the stove (only I made half that). And it was delicious.

But ALONG WITH all those recipes were some recipes for hot cocoa MADE WITH POT. Like, weed?! I guess saucepan=pot=weed/cannabis in the mind of Google?

I never knew you could make hot chocolate with weed. Consider me informed. And I guess I DO live in Colorado….

Aaaanyway it was funny to me, I laughed with Mikey about it, I didn’t click any of those links and that was the end of it.

But the next day I saw this in my Facebook feed:

Would I like to ‘like’ Cannibis Now Magazine?

Um…. NO!

I JUST WANTED TO MAKE A LARGE BATCH OF HOT CHOCOLATE FOR MY FRIENDS!

Oh my goodness…

One Thousand

You can imagine my surprise two days ago when I opened my Blogger dashboard and saw this:

Whoa there.

999?

Well by golly, then that means this here post must be number ONE THOUSAND!

I don’t often look at the number. As in, like, never.

What made me look two days ago?

I dunno.

But when you are writing post number ONE THOUSAND you can hardly ignore that fact and write about, you know, current events like my baby’s poopy diapers (don’t worry, you’ll get that one soon) or about the gorgeous day we had today and how my boy and my baby girlie spent over an hour in the sun on a picnic blanket and and crunchy leaves playing and laughing while my heart burst into a million pieces because it cannot contain all the joy (well, I guess that was a freebie). Or about how my hubs is pretty  much gone for two weeks straight to take exams for his Masters degree and I am alone with three kiddos again (you’ve heard that one before).

It’s number 1000. It better be good.

…

Well, let me tell ya a thing about good.

There is only One who is good.

Only one who is good and only One who brings good. And it is to that One that I dedicate this post. To that One I dedicate my very life.  To the the One that has poured so much goodness into my being (in the form of good times and challenging times, alike) that my heart truly at times feels it cannot contain it. The joy overflows. The gifts are abundant. The mercy unending. The grace undeserved. I have here one thousand stories of my everyday, in all it’s beauty and ashes. One thousand stories that make up the very vapor that is this life that has been gifted to me, by God’s grace and through His salvation.

One thousand stories of God’s goodness.

He, too, makes my heart burst into a million pieces.

To my Jesus, thank you for these stories.

Halleluiah and Amen.

Charming

I have a charm bracelet. My sister bought it for me. And I love it. I want it to be a piece of my life with reminders from different seasons. My passions. My stories.  A little ebenezer of all God has/is doing/will do for me in my life.

One recent season that has ended for us needed a place on my bracelet. And I was inspired by this gift that was given to me in January and took a little gander around etsy.com with an idea in my head.

I found me an affordable little shop called Deedle’s Designs and started talking with her about a custom charm.

It came in the mail.

It’s perfect.

Two Funny Road Things

You can’t see it very well. But waiting at the red light is a guy on one of those motorcycles with the really long handles.

I just don’t get it.

I have never gotten it. It looks so uncomfortable. Terribly, awfully uncomfortable. Not to mention exhausting.

Could someone explain it to me?

Please?

And then there is this. We put 5,000 miles on our van during our summer road trip, so I saw a LOT of big rigs on the road. I noticed that a lot of them now have that panel installed underneath that helps increase fuel mileage but cutting down on resistance or whatever (I obviously don’t know the technical terms). But I never saw this until the other day in my city… a contraption on the back of a truck to cut down on resistance there too.

So very random. I’m sorry. I just thought it was cool. People come up with such great ideas!

These Days–April

I’ve got some random photos for ya. They don’t have anything to do with anything… they are just too good not to share. And I get to be the judge of what is ‘too good’, okay? Okay!

Melt my heart. Daddy and daughter. This is perfect.

Booktime is a total fav around here. With extra friends this time… even better!

Blurry phone pick of a silly girlie trying on Mama’s glasses.

Mama’s little companion. This evening she snoozed on my lap while I got some work done at the table. I can’t get enough.

My kiddos help me tote laundry up and down the hall each week. This genius solution came to me after H was complaining about getting the full basket down the hall.  String a pair of pants through the handle and voila! Something to pull. He loved it and I felt so resourceful.

N’s selfie.

The kids had a special day in Kindergarten and Preschool to make the parents a special dessert to celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day coming up. Here is H presenting me with his…

And goofy N with hers.

They were so cute, and so proud and the tarts were SOOOOO delicious. I wish I could have eaten them both!!

Be still my heart.

I need more French braid practice. My Mom and sis were the French braiders growing up and now my lack of practice is clearly showing…

Sometimes my littlest one just wants to be held, but Mama wants to get something done. Once again the Ergo Carrier saves the day.

What in the world is all this stuff?! Ha!

My boy found a plastic holder thingy that I bought apples in in the recycling, rigged it with string and went around selling clothes pins. I love this boy and his imagination.

We had snow in mid-April, and we might have more tomorrow… on May Day. Oh my… Colorado!!! I’d like to have a few choice words with you…

We popped into the library a couple Saturdays ago and they happened to be doing a presentation on turtles. We happily joined in and my big kiddos sat like this for awhile.

I.Can’t.Take.It.

I love my family.

Quarantine

Today is day four of my self-imposed quarantine. I temporarily lifted my self-imposed quarantine yesterday long enough to go to one of those little clinics inside the grocery store to get diagnosed for the miserable ailment that had required this self-imposed quarantine.

The results?

Tonsillitis. And an ear infection.

Well, no wonder I felt like crap. For days.

The nice nurse practitioner happily took my $85 dollars for the visit and sent me out with a prescription for antibiotics.  I did a jig. Not really. But I felt like it because it meant there was an end in sight to my various symptoms but also to my quarantine, which is maybe equally as painful as the sickness for a lady who loves to be around people and loves to care for her family and her home.

After two days of bedroom quarantine I have occasionally joined my family in the rest of the house yesterday and today. But not without tying one of my daughters receiving blankets around my mouth and nose first to protect them from my germs. I thought about posting a picture of that sight, but decided against it… it’s absolutely ridiculous. But I am taking all possible precautions not to spread this thing. I can’t imagine how a preschooler would deal with how much it hurts to swallow? My heart would break into a million pieces if I had to watch one of my babies go through that. Taking a sip of water can bring me to tears. It’s just terrible and let’s hope the rest of the family stays healthy and that I can hold onto my sanity for another day and a half until my self-imposed quarantine is lifted!

Tonsillitis is from the devil.

The end.