Today I sent my son off on his first day of nursery school. I had to wake him the morning to get him ready in time and when I told him it was time to go to school he said "To pa-way?" (to play?) He loves kids and toys and people. He didn't even want to go potty or get dressed. He wanted to "go byebye" right then and there wearing nothing but his wet diaper with sleep still in his eyes.
So I dressed and fed him and strapped his little backpack on his little back. It was stocked with extra clothes (please don't have an accident on the first day), his swim trunks (he's gonna love a swimming activity today!), lots of snacks (will he eat anything in the midst of his excitement?), his water (will they remind him to drink?), and his sunhat (should I have sent sunscreen too?). All these things I had printed his name on in block letters. This was one of the most surreal moments for me. Labeling my baby boy's things for school. He's just growing up so fast...
So after pictures and prayers together and loading him onto the van and then taking him off the van cause it wouldn't start and then watching him walk away...
My boy is off to school.
*fighting back tears*
I know, I know. You'll say it's not the big of a deal. And you are right. I mean, who wanted him to go to school more than anyone? Um, that'd be me. But I'll still miss him and wonder for awhile if I'm doing the right thing.
I've liked to think that I can 'do it all' between a toddler and a baby and my house and living in this heat in a foreign culture and still staying involved with other things. But I feel like the truth is that something had to give. I was managing okay, but I wasn't giving my boy the patience, time, structure and activities that I would have liked to. Other stuff just got in the way. And it's easy to see that H loves to be out, to be around other kids and people, to be busy and active. So now he gets to have more of that.
So as I walked upstairs alone after watching him happily walk away it was all sinking in. But then I checked my email (coping mechanism, admittedly) and read an email my Mom had written regarding the topic:
"I do think it will add a dimension to H's life that he will enjoy and the one-on-one time you can then have with N will be good for the two of you as well. It takes nothing away from your mothering! It adds to it! And it's not so much time that you are abandoning him to anyone else's values. I think it will be good for everyone involved!"
*sigh of relief*
Thanks Mom. I needed to hear that. And even though you're far away... you sure were in the right place at the right time reassuring me of our decision.
So I'm still a little teary and sad. But I think I'll spend a little time this morning preparing something fun we can do together when he returns....
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Here's the documentation...
Waving when he saw the van waiting for him!
Could that boy have any more happiness on his face?! His grin is ear to ear.
He'll be going with his little Dutch/Egyptian friend.
Tiny ones in backpacks are just the cutest...
Loading up!
And walking away to hire an amjad that actually works...
Bye bye my big boy! I will miss you!
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