Achieve

The world says it.

In many different ways.

ACHIEVE.

Especially in a new year. With all the resolutions and goals and vision boarding and etc etc etc.

And I'm just not sure what I think about it.

Well, I kinda know what I think about it.

And that is that I don't think achieving things is the point. Achieving things is not the goal.

In a podcast I listened to recently, the woman openly stated that she felt the purpose of her life is to achieve something great. Something meaningful.

Hmmmm.

Obviously if you're reading this (which no one is), then you know me well enough to know that Jesus is the center of my life. Not achieving things. I want to know God. I want to enjoy him. I want others to know Him too. I want my life to bring Him glory and honor.

So is achievement bad?

Certainly not. I mean seriously, where would we be without anyone achieving anything?! It's almost a dumb question.

I guess maybe I struggle for a couple reasons...

1. I am a SAHM. By all appearances, according to the world... I achieve nothing but keeping 5 other human alive day in and day out. Which I believe is an incredible achievement... worth all of me and all of my time and all of my potential (which I believe, possibly egotistically?, that I have a lot of). However we all know that is a viewpoint that not everyone understands. So I often wonder if I'm doing enough. I mean, I do other things in my community. Lots of other things actually... but still, with my family and home as my first priority... it doesn't score high on the ACHIEVEMENT SCALE (which isn't a real thing. Or is it?). Because of this tension, I often question myself.

2. Achievement is an idol. Plain and simple. "We must produce to be valuable". We must "be someone" if we want to be anyone. "Success is happiness." And those statements are just lies. But they are everywhere around us and I even get sucked in. What do I want to accomplish? Where do I want to be in five years? What are my daily, weekly, monthly, yearly goals?! Blarg.

Okay, admittedly, I've never been a goals person.

Someone challenged me during a conversation on this topic by suggesting this: changing the word 'setting goals' to 'being intentional'.

Oh. Well now you've got me there.

I really had to stop and think.

I DO strongly believe in being intentional. I 'preach' a lot about being intentional about how I want to raise my children and educate them and what sort of home environment I want to cultivate.

Are those my goals? The things I want to be intentional about? Is it the same thing even though I never write them down and check them off? 

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This is getting rambly. I'm just processing, obviously. 

But here's the thing I have noticed about myself. If I become very goals driven in my daily life, and if those goals are divergent from my main purpose of cultivating my home and my relationships with my children, then my patience very easily DISAPPEARS. 

 

Gone.

I turn into mean-Mama because I-had-a-thing-I-really-wanted-to-get-done-today-and-you-kids-are-here-and-you-keep-NEEDING-ME-and-so-I-can't-accomplish-that-thing-and-now-I-am-grumpy-and-I-want-a-different-life-please-where-kids-only-are-around-at-convenient-times-thankyouverymuch.

So thereby setting goals that conflict with my MAIN PURPOSE, I then throw my MAIN PURPOSE people into the stream of fire, which seriously goes against what I believe about my first and best calling as a Mama as my MAIN PURPOSE!

Self sabotage.

Maybe it's just a season.

Or maybe I just don't have enough patience or self-control or discipline in my own life.

Or maybe it's a life-long no-goal lifestyle.

Who knows.

Do I have dreams for my life and the life of my family? Things I want to be intentional about? Things I am working towards? 

Yes ma'am I do.

There are SO many things I'd like to do.

So many interests I would love to pursue.

But I don't want them to distract me from my central calling. And I don't want them to dictate to me who I am and who I am not.

Peace in my home and joyful relationships with my kids and husband is waaaay up there at the top. I'm not willing to give that up. Not for any goal or dream or interest that I have for myself right now.

Okay wait!! I do have a goal for this year. 

Ready?

2020 Goal: Lay down my life.

That's it. 

Amen.

Preaching to my own heart here.

I like who I am. I like what I'm doing. I don't want to live for myself.

It's just a fight against culture sometimes, that's all.

And all these things are just rolling and rolling and rolling around in my deep-thinking head these days.

I have no conclusion.

You're welcome. That's all.