I'm currently listening to 'Becoming' by Michelle Obama. I wouldn't normally choose this kind of book, but when someone I have similar values with recommends something... I trust them.
And I can't stop listening to her story. I'm learning so much.
And truthfully, I see so many similarities in Barack, and Mike. The drive, the dreams, the desires and so much more.
But when she started talking about how Barack used the phrases "almost home" and "on my way"...I had to rewind and write it down. IT IS JUST TOO SIMILAR.
I can't tell you how many times Mike and I have argued about the ACTUAL meaning of those two phrases! We have a different definition, just as Michelle and Barack have...
"If Barack's disregard for punctuality had once been something that I gently teased him about, it was now a straight up aggravation. I knew that Thursdays made him happy. I'd hear his excitement when he called to report that he was done with work and finally headed home. I understood it was nothing but good intentions that would lead him to say 'I'm on my way' or 'Almost home'. And for awhile, I believed those words. I'd give the girls their nightly bath but delay bedtime so they could wait up to give their Dad a hug. Or I'd feed them dinner and put them to bed but hold off on eating myself, lighting a few candles and looking forward to sharing a meal with Barack. And then I'd wait. I'd wait so long that Sasha's and Malia's eyelids would start to droop and I'd have to carry them to bed. Or I'd wait alone, hungry and increasingly bitter as my own eyes got heavy and candle-wax pooled on the table. 'On my way' I was learning, was the product of Barack's eternal optimist, an indication of his eagerness to be home but that did nothing to signify when he would actually arrive. 'Almost home' was not a geo-locator but rather a state of mind. Sometimes he was on his way home but needed to stop in to have one last 45 minute conversation with a colleague before he got into the car. Other times he was almost home but forgot to mention that he was first going to fit in a quick work out at the gym. In our life before children, such frustrations might have seemed petty. But as a working full-time mother with a half-time spouse and a pre-dawn wake up time I felt my patience slipping away until finally at some point it just fell off a cliff. When Barack made it home he'd either find me raging or unavailable, having flipped off every light in the house and gone sullenly to sleep."
"We live by the paradigms we know. In Barack's childhood, his father disappeared and his mother came and went. She was devoted to him but never tethered to him. And as far as he was concerned, there was nothing wrong in this approach. He'd had hills, beaches and his own mind to keep him company. Independence mattered in Barack's world. It always had and always would. I, meanwhile, had been raised inside the tight weave of my own family in our boxed in apartment and our boxed in South side neighborhood with my grandparents and aunts and uncles all around."
Now I've never waited hours and hours like Michelle did. Likely because I could call him for updates, or check his location on the GPS. But hearing her experience is so interesting. And I can also relate to her two responses... raging or unavailable.
I love how she puts into words that Barack's use of these phrases came from his 'eternal optimism'. Yes! That's it exactly! Mike has the same inside of him. I've know that for years. That quality shows in many areas of his life. I get that. And I appreciate that. I've just never before made the connection to those phrases, and his 'state-of-mind' and his desire to be home, even if he isn't quite yet.
Independence is also of great importance to Mike. Even as a child, I believe. I have identified this in his life and our marriage. So interesting to hear another woman's experiences with a man of these qualities.
I love him so.
And I can't stop listening to her story. I'm learning so much.
And truthfully, I see so many similarities in Barack, and Mike. The drive, the dreams, the desires and so much more.
But when she started talking about how Barack used the phrases "almost home" and "on my way"...I had to rewind and write it down. IT IS JUST TOO SIMILAR.
I can't tell you how many times Mike and I have argued about the ACTUAL meaning of those two phrases! We have a different definition, just as Michelle and Barack have...
"If Barack's disregard for punctuality had once been something that I gently teased him about, it was now a straight up aggravation. I knew that Thursdays made him happy. I'd hear his excitement when he called to report that he was done with work and finally headed home. I understood it was nothing but good intentions that would lead him to say 'I'm on my way' or 'Almost home'. And for awhile, I believed those words. I'd give the girls their nightly bath but delay bedtime so they could wait up to give their Dad a hug. Or I'd feed them dinner and put them to bed but hold off on eating myself, lighting a few candles and looking forward to sharing a meal with Barack. And then I'd wait. I'd wait so long that Sasha's and Malia's eyelids would start to droop and I'd have to carry them to bed. Or I'd wait alone, hungry and increasingly bitter as my own eyes got heavy and candle-wax pooled on the table. 'On my way' I was learning, was the product of Barack's eternal optimist, an indication of his eagerness to be home but that did nothing to signify when he would actually arrive. 'Almost home' was not a geo-locator but rather a state of mind. Sometimes he was on his way home but needed to stop in to have one last 45 minute conversation with a colleague before he got into the car. Other times he was almost home but forgot to mention that he was first going to fit in a quick work out at the gym. In our life before children, such frustrations might have seemed petty. But as a working full-time mother with a half-time spouse and a pre-dawn wake up time I felt my patience slipping away until finally at some point it just fell off a cliff. When Barack made it home he'd either find me raging or unavailable, having flipped off every light in the house and gone sullenly to sleep."
"We live by the paradigms we know. In Barack's childhood, his father disappeared and his mother came and went. She was devoted to him but never tethered to him. And as far as he was concerned, there was nothing wrong in this approach. He'd had hills, beaches and his own mind to keep him company. Independence mattered in Barack's world. It always had and always would. I, meanwhile, had been raised inside the tight weave of my own family in our boxed in apartment and our boxed in South side neighborhood with my grandparents and aunts and uncles all around."
Now I've never waited hours and hours like Michelle did. Likely because I could call him for updates, or check his location on the GPS. But hearing her experience is so interesting. And I can also relate to her two responses... raging or unavailable.
I love how she puts into words that Barack's use of these phrases came from his 'eternal optimism'. Yes! That's it exactly! Mike has the same inside of him. I've know that for years. That quality shows in many areas of his life. I get that. And I appreciate that. I've just never before made the connection to those phrases, and his 'state-of-mind' and his desire to be home, even if he isn't quite yet.
Independence is also of great importance to Mike. Even as a child, I believe. I have identified this in his life and our marriage. So interesting to hear another woman's experiences with a man of these qualities.
I love him so.
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