I Lie Still

I lie still on the couch. But the babe inside does not. The belly shakes and flops and wiggles; the small life within showing it’s strength and independence. My body moves in ways I did not ask it to. I have the sense again, of the reality of this constant companion of mine.

For six months I’ve carried this precious life inside. Much much longer than I carried his/her little brother or sister last year. And so often after a few hours of stillness in my womb I feel a kick, a punch, a roll, and along with it comes a prayer of thanksgiving rolling off the corners of my mind toward heaven.

I am so thankful for this life inside. This growing healthy life that makes it’s home inside my growing healthy self.

I’m amazed again at the miracle of motherhood. Of pregnancy. Of labor and delivery. Amazed at the how it all works. Amazed. Blessed. Humbled that I get to experience it again, knowing many who long for a child in their womb.

Pregnancy is so special. Are there better words to describe it? I find I don’t have the words.

And I find myself sentimental and a bit bittersweet at times. We expect that this will probably be the last child I will carry and birth. We desire for our family to grow further but we are leaving space for precious children to join our family through adoption somewhere down the road of our life.

So this probably being my last pregnancy makes me sad sometimes. All through my miserable summer and first trimester I chanted “Please don’t let me ever get pregnant again”. But now the extreme sickness has faded into a memory, the reality of the precious child joining our family soon becomes clear in the future and I wonder if maybe I would like to do this again?

Brings me back to how special it all is. Again. How I am part of a miracle. How this child is my constant companion, who I somehow feel extra connected to, because of all we’ve already been through together. All we’ve accomplished together! I started a preschool during this pregnancy and have overcome great obstacles; I’m acutely aware of the fact that I didn’t do it alone. Yes, my husband and God and others obviously helped, but this baby… this little one inside was with me every second of the way. Like my mini-partner, urging me along, assuring me of body’s capabilities and strength which enable me to do all that I’ve been asked.

Now that baby is bigger and his/her precious life is obvious to all around me. Little one shakes my body, reminding me of his or her life that will be cradled in my arms in a few short months. What a gift.

All as I lie still on the couch.